Friday, January 11, 2013

sounds like a case of the Fridays.

A lot of mornings I wake up with the sun on my side of the bed.
My kids are usually kicking snuggling me and we have no where to be. 
It's lovely that there is no alarm clock.  Just the sound of inhales and exhales from two almost-stirring blondes.
Until - "I want snaaaack!  I want snaaaaack!  Snack mommy!  I want snaaaack can we wake up now mommy???  Mommy?  Get UUUUPPPP.  Mommy I want to get up and I want snaaaaack!!"
All of this before I've even yawned or even quite realized it is morning.

My Young Sir is quite demanding in the morning.  And mid morning, lunchtime, nap time... dinner time... Oh- and bed time.  Not one of those kids who wants to do EVERYthing themselves.  He likes his mommy to do it all, which is great because I have nothing better to do than carry him downstairs when he could totally just walk his own little boy feet down, put him on potty chairs, fill cups with water, and dig through the dress-up clothes to find his desired avatar of the day.  I am not at all feeling TOTALLY OVER the dependence!!!  Not at all!

Today, like any other day, as the happy sunshine filtered through, so did the demands.
I tried to be delighted that it took Tulah an hour and a half to eat two dag-gone scrambled eggs.  I tried not to lecture her on how fortunate she is to have food.  I tried not to "raise my voice", I swear I tried!  It was just one of those mornings where nothing went well and my mood got lamer and lamer.  And why?  Gosh.  Like I have to take everything the kids do and don't do to heart and get all grizzled about it?

While I've been really digging deep into our days here in this new house and slowing down, trying to absorb it all, I know that sometimes my focus is what our days are NOT.  I got into some really bad habits after having Knox.  I was sad and stuck in my own head (it's lonely in there!) and I had my reasons / non-reasons.  Circumstances or not, I have been working hard the past several months to reverse my stinkiness and be the happy, kind-of-fun person I thought I used to be.  During those couple or three years of the hardest days I've had to manage, a lot of the lame-ness became habit.  But it's over now, I win!  I stand here before you to declare my dedication to the Reversal of Incredible Stinkiness!

Habits are hard to break.  Like, once in a while I try to stop drinking coffee.  And I am super proud of myself for waiting til 11 am to make my first pot of it.  Yay I broke the habit of brewing it first thing in the morning!  Woo!  Meh.  I am a creature of habit and tradition.  Also, a creature of coffee.  One blog I like to follow on fb, Awesomely Awake, well it's all about being awake for your life and enjoying the abundance around you.  Easy huh??  Kind of.  Sometimes it's not easy.  Sometimes I'm all, "I didn't get this done today.  I just want a minute to myself.  Why did you explode out your diaper AGAIN!?!  Why do you still wear diapers!!!  I wish I played more with you today.  Can't we just sleep 10 more minutes?  I really wish I could check my email without a toddler cheetah sitting on my head."  Shawn at Awesomely Awake, she offers these wonderful e-courses and e-books that are all about being present and staying awake in your life.  She's been there, like all of us, and she's real and completely relate-able and inspires presence.  I appreciate that in her.  The class I'm taking now, "The Abundant Mama Project" has been a very happy and encouraging gratitude practice so far, especially at the beginning of this new year.  Just a bunch of us mamas from all over the world, meeting on facebook to talk about who we are, why we're here... and it usually turns into how we're all the same.

Actively practicing gratitude has really been my bridge between the old fun me and the new dandy me.  The little side-road that skips the stinky-habit parts and gets right to the good stuff.  And it's got to be an active practice too, so that one day consistently seeing the good through the annoying is just pure and natural as the summer sun.  Practicing gratitude is why I sit on this computer if and when I get time, talking about our days and our projects and anything else that makes me feel happy.  GinnBoree is a celebration.  I don't blogwardly celebrate as frequently as I would like to, but it's at least a bit of the good stuff for now.  And it's already fun to peek back at the first posts about buying our new house, remembering how exciting it was and remembering all that we have to look forward to as we put the pieces of this puzzle together.  As part of the Abundant Mama Project, I'm also journaling in a daily gratitude journal.  You just list 5 things you are thankful for.  Pretty soon those five things turn into 15.  It's like a gratitude snowball! You should practice it too, dare ya.

Back to today.  I had to physically point my eyes away from the attitudes and the whining and the peeing of the pants.  Remember, I'm improving ok?!  A phone call to my sister to whine about stuff that is totally not worth whining about helped too, as it always does.  I felt better, and started focusing on my lucky stars... Like these things:
  • Knox had to have a little "curl" drawn on his chin today, so he truly looked like Buzz Lightyear in his costume today. 
  • Consequently, he got a lot of attention at the craft store and post office.  
  • Knox and Roo were shaking their butts at the PO, cracking up the people in line.  Yes a booty-shakin' Buzz is pretty hilarious, and so are Tulah's contagious giggles :)
  • I got to talk to my sister for, what, an hour or something?  And the KIDS WERE FINE to play for a while, even though I feel guilty not focusing on them or being available when I need to get a phone call in.  They were fine!
  • I started this yesterday, a new crochet stitch that is very quick and addictive!!
And judging the fact that it's doubled in size since this photo last night, I'd say I'm pretty lucky that I had a little time to work on it at some point this morning!  satisfying.  Soon to be a little neck-warmer cowl for one of my best friends.
  •   I made a loaf of bread and washed two more small loads of alpaca fleece.  Brown and black, and the kind for felting.  At the craft store I saw that some felting surfaces are nothing more that scrub-brush type of dense bristly things, so I'm going to have to go to the dollar store to find some for us to start felting with!  
  • I also had a little conversation with my BFF while the kids were eating lunch.  I realized that they were cracking up as they found it hilarious to be my little Myna birds:  I would listen to Ashleigh and respond with a, "Oh wow, really?" and I would hear, "Oh wow, reeeeaaally??!  Aha haa haa haa hahaaa!!!" in unison from the peanut gallery.  I say into the phone, "I can't believe that!" and there they are, "I can't BELIEVE that!!" and cracking up again.  Mimicked me for 5 or so minutes.  They were in hysterical fits and soon I was too, those wise-arses!
  • Instead of waiting for nap time to come around, I said NO NAPS today as long as you stay in the pirate ship for a little quiet time!  And I made a pirate ship for the aforementioned quiet time:

  • And then I sat down and started typing.  And now they're done with their sail across the pirate sea.  Roo's setting out all the "stuff" we collect for inventions and art projects, and I just drew some fresh whiskers on Knox the Cheetah.  He's over Buzz for today, I guess.
I'm about to start some chili and it will be delicious.  So will the cornbread, and so is the bread I just took out of the oven!  TOO good, oops.  The loaf is half-full at this point, not half-gone right?

Demanding or not, at least I'm around to meet those demands.  And around to focus on setting them up for independence, because DANG do we need to work on this!   Hope you have a happy weekend!

1 comment:

  1. YAY!! You are awesome, sister dear. I love you to pieces and also a bushel and also a peck.