Bursting with something.

Woke up this morning and got my sweet girl ready for her first meeting with real, up-close horses.
This is something she's been dying to do-- Well, maybe not so much meet and feed horses, but OWN one!  Baby steps, I tell her...  I tell myself.  The first step would be to meet some. Feed some, muck some, and ride some.   The real and dirty stuff, the fun and fast stuff.
I found a woman in Golden who pastures her horses nearby, and set up a meeting to see how my Roo does with them. I'm hoping so much that we can work something out with the mucking and feeding, to help us out with the riding and learning.  Lessons cost money but I want so much to be able to get Tulah involved if this is something she truly desires.  Can you think of a better discipline than riding horses?

The kids were so excited to be in the pasture and next to these giants.  For today's visit all we did is talk, ask questions, and breathe the same air as the hawses, but it was enough.  We got to help with the feeding and mucking also!  Here the kiddos are feeding Buck, who seems to be their favorite so far.

 We discussed setting up riding lessons, cost, all that.  And then they invited us back tonight for a free ride to see how it goes!  YES and YES!  We're going back at 5:30 today for their first ride ever.  Evening cannot come soon enough :)  This is TC, the 22 year old that the kids will practice on tonight.  He's really sweet and smart.  And notice?  TC happens to be my sweet girl's initials too!  Serendipity...?  Is that you?

Thinking about getting involved in lessons and riding makes me think a lot about how to make it happen.
I'd like to, and offered to, sort of work out something with the owner to help with the pasture in exchange for a bit of a break on the cost.  I live, literally, 5 blocks away from the pasture and the arena where they ride.  I could easily run down once a day or a few times a week to help with their twice-daily feeding and mucking.  They actually live super close to our old house, so I know what a drive it can be twice a day!
Beyond that, we just need to get creative with how we can manage it.
I need a job and it's staring me in the face.  Has been for weeks now, but I'm having a hard time sorting it out right about now.

Basically I'm about to have a Kindergartener.
Basically, I always thought/knew/wondered that I'd be a working mom once my kids started elementary school.
Basically, Kindergarten here costs $300 a month, a bill we've never seen outside of a car payment, the student loans I'm denying, and our house.  PUBLIC SCHOOL, PEOPLE!!  Terrible.  We don't have that money right now, and I need to summons it.  It's up to me.
Another basic?  I don't want to be away from Knox.  I am going to miss Tulah enough with her being a student 7 hours a day.  I don't want to miss Knoxer too.  I want to volunteer in Roo's classroom, know her teachers and classmates.  I want to help with a school play or community garden... Field trips and stuff.  I want to make her a snack when she gets home and hear all about her day while it's fresh in her amazing little mind.  I know I know... wah wah wah.  Every parent misses their kiddos while they're away at work.  But I think, we've made it all this way, all this time, on one maintained income.  Why can't I still be here for them when they're in school?  Is a $10/hour job simply my fate right now?

Mister Boree is miserable at work right now.  It's making him wish for more money, to work less than 14 hours per day, perhaps, to have some flexibility or freedom or whatever it is that comes with that money.  Happiness maybe.  Which is silly-- why focus on more MONEY when you can focus on doing something you love?  There will never be enough money, but delighting in what you do should be a stepping stone to getting there.  He's blue and he's discouraged, and I see this manifesting into MONEY talk.  We never focus on the money, and here we are now-- focusing on the money.  And the money talk.

It would thrill me greatly to be able to make the kind of money that career-people make.  Heck YES I would love to do what Mista does for us... helping put a roof above us, floors below us, pretty things around us.  I want to help support our family, to lighten Mister's load financially.  I thought by now I'd be working a little business for myself, but that's not happening since we moved to a house that requires countless hours and creative input.  I absolutely love it but it doesn't pay the bills.

 So here I am, emotional on an otherwise-happy Tuesday afternoon.  Thinking and overthinking how I can do what I'm good at, what I love, and support us a little bit by doing so.  I fear so much working some random, passionless, minimum wage job to simply provide a few extra dollars at the end of the day.
I need something more.  WE need something more- something fabulous!!

I fear I have it in my blood, in my bones, to be extreme.
I fear it because it's not something I can tame.  It's a wild beast fighting against me... With me?  FOR me?  Is it good or is it a sickness?!?   
When extreme is running wild, I'm inspired.  Then I'm eager and encouraged and ambitious.  I CAN DO THIS.  Whatever THIS is.  I can do it.
...But another minute later, I hit a bump.  It could be anything.  It could be a look from the Mister when I tell him my idea(s).  It could be a morning of tantrums that pull me back to a place of "These kids need you, clearly, wake up.  Make some coffee and be a MOM."  It could be running into someone, somewhere, doing exactly the thing you dreamed of and doing it better, faster, and appearing to have it all. 

But how do you get past the challenge, get past your own head, and just leap out of your starting lineup and forget about where everyone else is running.  How do you keep your head up, your form strong, and your gait steady so you know your place, you balance your strengths with your duties, and you cross the line when it's your time?

I sit here with an aching in my back and a something to figure out.  My emotions are blending into my dreams and my confidence, and dragging my reality and abilities with them.  Don't ask me to explain this kinetic mash-up because I can't.  It's weird and confusing and makes me wish for a nap to shut off my brain.

The good news is, any time I need to vent or freak out or ramble and shriek, I can just call up a friend or two for support.  I have one amazing friend setting me up with enough confidence to send me to the Super Bowl, even though I don't play a drop of football.  She thinks I can do anything and almost makes me believe it too!  She's getting me in touch with a local friend that knows EVERYONE in hopes that there may be a connection there I might not have otherwise.  I just need to make the call when I have a moment of silence and distracted kiddos.  I have another friend who has been with me through my mania since I moved to Colorado, my first friend here.  The longest best girlfriend I can so happily claim. The VERY MOST creative and accomplished and passionate person I know.   I make a call to her, she can gauge where my brain is in a second.  She can feel my crazed ambition and she keeps me focused.  She helps me to see what needs to be done professionally to make things go smoothly personally.  She offers me a perspective that I don't see when I'm too busy rambling to notice.  She makes me wish we could rewind to the days when we dreamed of putting our psycho heads together to create something to live for.  That was before kids and loans and jobs and... HUSBANDS.  Bleh ;)

I feel like something big is going to happen.  It's not going to burst at the seams and stretch marks across my life in a couple of short months like my babies did, but I think it's brewing.  Brewing is good.  It's steady and something I can trust.  I just need to make this thing happen in a way that Husband Face will trust it too, something he can support me in and celebrate with me.  You think I can?

The first step would be to stop venting and start listing.  And maybe go tinkle first.  I tend to tinkle when I get excited.

Thanks for listening, and please send any extra vibes of positivity my way!  I need some courage and focus.  I need to help make things possible at our home, for our kids... To help Hubby not feel so alone in his providership.  And daggone it, I want to be full of passion and energy and happiness while doing it.  Might be a lot to ask, but I don't mind the strive.

I will tell you how Miss Almost-In-Kindergarten's ride went tomorrow!  

Mama got a piece of Mountain Ash!

Basically, I love me a Farmer's Market.
And when I come home with loot like this, I love me the GOLDEN Farmer's Market.
Check out this vegetation!

 

Gorgeous, huh?  

I have a secret.  This entire collection could be YOURS for one easy payment of... FIFTEEN DOLLARS!  (plus or minus a trip to Golden.)

Yep.  It's a pretty big secret that I feel needs a big audience (like all five of you I've already told over the phone :)

Last time I typed to you I said I'd show you what treasure I found there.  Well... There is a booth at the market that sells these grass baskets, handwoven by women in Uganda.  It is a fair-trade organization selling them to profit the women making them.  They are a little pricey, but the hands that make them work for days to earn that $30 or 40 or 60 dollas.  Once you have your basket, you visit the Miller Farms booth at the market and you get to fill it for fifteen bucks. Every single week.  COME ON!!

 The last time we went I was dying to get one, and Nick's mom was with us and she offered to get it for my birthday.  Clearly a deal worth shaking on!  The one I loooooved was actually a lot less than some, and happened to be the biggest. 

 

 So now I have my big, beautiful grass basket with goat-skin handles, ready for a $15 visit to the Miller Farms booth every Saturday.  I won't try to figure out how they profit, I'll just enjoy the bargain.  All week long.

I spent about an hour getting everything soaked in vinegar water... Beets scrubbed and peeled and steamed, carrots and chiles and asparagus and squash trimmed and sliced and marinated for dinner guests... Greens torn and packaged for future salad-ation.  Made me feel all domestic and farmy-like.  

I can't wait 'til I'm getting goods like this from my very backyard.  Until then, I support the locals :)

Speaking of gorgeous vegetation... I've been trying so hard to get some of our own around our house, but I just feel like the process is crawling along.  I get all antsy pantsy when it comes to my mini-ecosystem here.  If only I were longing for sharp, spiny, thorny, stickery weeds- I'd be in knee-high weed heaven!  Where are my future goats when I need them.  I got weeds that need a-chompin'.

When I got back from North Dakota, I came home to this insanity:

The front of my house is behind there somewhere.

So one of my first days back, I went nuts.  I weeded and pitchforked and wheelbarrowed my way through it all.  My hands, arms, legs, feet were acting like tough guys as I scraped and pricked and burned through their tender skin.  

Let me tell you something.  SO.  MANY.  THORNS. up in this motha.  This is not a job one can do in flip-flops, but if you know me then you know it took me a few hours and frustrated outbursts to figure it out.  I chopped down and hauled about three volunteer trees, and pruned others.   Finally, yesterday, after about a month of re-growth, Mister Boree joined me in the final frenzy to clear it out. I let him dig out every bit of root from two horrible thorny buckthorns I had all but obliterated.  However, their already-shed Thorns Of Death and Dying are sure to leave a mark on flip-flopped feet for years to come.  Just leaving a legacy, those nasty buckthorns. 

Roo was a big helper, and proud of it too.  She loves all things nature, even all things requiring hard work and hauling in the hot, hot sun.  Thought you needed a few sweet pictures of her efforts :)

Standing on my front porch, here is my view of the street.  Before:

 and after:

The tree near the middle of the photo, the juniper or whatever, next to the big pine tree on the right... That one has to go.  Unfortunately we need to keep it there, in all its scraggly, prickly, thorny wonder, until we have a replacement plan.  Without that tree we would feel just totally exposed and vulnerable to that mighty sunset every night.  Plus the neighbors facing us from way down yonder on the cul-de-saccy.

We had family over the other night to celebrate a couple of our birthdays in June and July.  Turns out, I missed Mother's Day while I was out of town.  Turns out, there was a lot of make-up celebrating to do!    Turns out also that I got a lot of cards, full of well-wishes and some money!  My plan is to put that $$ to good use up front.  Make my yard a happy place to walk and drive by.  A small portion of someone's journey that delights them and makes them think, "My what happiness lives in that home and in that yard and beyond.  Surely."  Little did I know that I would find a key ingredient to that joy the moment we walked through Home Depot yesterday!

H to the Depot has a lot of trees marked half off already.  Shade and fruit trees, some flowering trees.  We plan on making good use of end-of-season tree deals in the very back of our property, since it's bare bones.  However I'm thinking like 90% off and not 50.  Beggars can be choosers when it comes to percentages off.

Well naturally, yesterday, I fell deeply in love with a big ol' tree in their full-price section.  The section of trees that are like WAY beyond what we can spend on a single tree, the ones in 35 gallon pots and requiring some Team Lift to move them out.  Sucks to be me right now- I was trying to figure out how to afford it and get it home!  Deciding to wait for it to go half off, we went to another garden center.  One where even like the scrawny, 15 gallon trees were over a hundred bucks!  That $150 ginormous Mountain Ash wasn't looking so 'spensive after that.  We went back to the Depot.  

As Nick dropped me off at the entrance, wishing me luck with my powers of negotiation, I wandered inside with a Roo by my side for luck.  

I headed straight for Customer Service.  I said sweetly, "Hi!  I was curious about a tree outside... You, see- I accidentally fell in love with this amazing tree, thinking it was on sale like every other tree outside.  But then my heart shattered learning that is completely full price, with no sign of a price drop in the near future. That I know of. I realize now the signs clearly indicate it is a full price tree.  However, I am mad for it and I thought it was worth asking if there might be a sale soon, or if there is room for even a tiny wiggle in the price." 

She says, "Let's ask a manager, it couldn't hurt!"  Manager comes over.  They talk.  I concentrate my curious, pleading eyes on my daughter, hoping they can't tell I'm as desperate for that daggone tree as I am.  Embarrassingly desperate though I may be.  I let Roo do some flips on me, passing the minute and a half they were talking while I acted like I wasn't trying to listen.  The gal comes back.  Says, "Know what Big Guns Bob said??  Well he's not really Big Guns Bob but I thought I should call him that since he is acting like a big shot with this tree deal... He said, "Give her half off!!""  

HALF OFF!!!  Well slap me on my Mountain Ash!!!

I was thinking, maaaaaaybe, just maaaybe I could get them to take even 20% off.  Or let me know that a sale starts some day soon.  But half off?   That's like insanity to my ears!!  SOLD!  I just so happened to have 75 bucks on hand, thanks to getting another older and another year of motherhood under my belt.  Sold as sold can be, that tree was.  Nick ran home to get the trailer, I bought it, and we drove it home in a glittery cloud of happy-gratitude and awe at my powers of effortless persuasion.

Pretty daggone big tree!

the white-ish trunk, bright green leaves and bursting red berries will be sooooo PRETTY in front of our gray house!!

The trunk is almost 5" at the base.  This tree is no spring chicken!

So that's my excitement.  Farmer's Market gold and some Mountain Ash treasure.  I think I have about thirty bucks left to spend on some front-yard prettiness, and I think that will go to some super tall shasta daisies and wild grasses to establish for next year.  A field of daisies up front, sprawling among the tree trunks, would surely brighten up any front yard's appeal.  Especially my former field of weeds :)

We're planting our new tree tonight- I'll show you a picture after!

 Lots of love for you.

Wedding weekend and July ze 4th

I feel like I just went on vacation.  Saturday morning we had a fun time at the Golden farmer's market (I'll tell you about my awesome treasure next time...), and then?
We had an overnight away from the kids!  WHOA.
We went up to Keystone for a wedding.  We have several weddings to attend this summer, but this one was special.  Obviously because it meant not only travel to a beautiful mountain town, but travel without kids.  I totally slept until nine this morning.  .

Today, after 4 hours in weekend mountain traffic, we picked up the kiddos and went out for pizza.  There's this place nearby called Lil Ricci's and they have a super Sunday family special:  4 drinks, large pizza (any and EVERYthing you want on it), salad for 4, and a ginormous skillet cookie ala mode for twenty dolla.  I could not buy groceries for all of that delicious nonsense for that price so it's sort of becoming our Sunday tradition.  After our bellies were full, we ran to Home Depot, grabbed some stuff to stain our play structure, and went home to veg.

We didn't really lay like broccoli, actually.  We had better things to do BECAUSE...

The other day I sanded the big old used playset we got the kids on Craigslist.  We had borrowed a power washer to annihilate whatever old red stain that was remaining.  It didn't do the trick and I was left to sand the old fashioned way (with a palm sander).  There was just a slight amount of sawdust that did not land in my nostrils, so Nick powerwashed it down so we could be ready to stain.  The children helped.

seriously.  Where is my son in this photo.

Well when we got home from the Depot tonight I figured I should try out the stain stuff.  Just in a spot or two. Clearly that led to just staining the whole dern thing!  My little ones always want to help me paint stuff, but there are very few casual-project opportunities for them to actually do it.  This was one time they could, so I put them to work!  Nick grabbed a brush too, and we had it spiffed up by bedtime.

I cannot get enough of the Spidey-Butt Cheek combo!  And he was completely comfortable with not only staining the swingset in his tiny-spideys, but with one little cheeky exposed to the world and my camera.  Love him.

How was your 4th of July?  Ours was fine.  We went fishing up in Boulder Creek early in the morning with some of our favorite friends.  I can't prove it to you because naturally I brought my camera and no memory card.  Golden does a great festival downtown so we took the kiddos to that in the afternoon. 

We have all kinds of fire bans in the state due to our yearly forest fire tragedies, so the downtown fireworks were canceled this year.  A few cities could do them though, so that night we went up to a nearby park on a hill and spied a few shows around Denver.

And, oh yeah!  I put up an American flag finally!  I have always, always wanted on one my house, and I finally have one up.  Makes me feel all warm and patriotic etcetera etcetera!

How are our chickens doing?  Oh thanks, they're pretty okay...
There is a lot to catch you up on, but one of the main fun facts is that we are letting them free range.  Hooray!!!  The kids love it, and Howdy is amazing with them!!

So basically, it's really stinking late here in CO.  I was up too late last night being a wild and crazy kid-free grown-up, so I'm completely tired and officially out of words!
good nimey monshoney gooksgen berflagt.

Let's talk about CHICKS, bay-bee

One of life's greatest mysteries, in my humbleboree opinion, is why OH WHY can my coffee not taste the same morning after morning.  Is my Cuisinart just not up to consistency?  Is it not a morning maker?  Is it running late once in a while, cruising past my request for a tasty cup and trying to get out the door?  Good thing this rustic-tasting cup of coffee isn't the only thing keeping me company this morning... :)  proof:

 Let's talk about my other babies.
Once upon a time, I was able to write little long and winded notes to you here at this spot the locals call a 'blog'.  Last time we talked I was packing my bags to spend some time in North Dakota with my family while mi padre got his entire colon yoinked out of his body.  He's functioning quite well without it, I'll add.   I spent a month there, and have now been home a month, without any regard to Ginnboree!.  Well I take this opportunity to apologize if you feel like you need an apology, or to say "you're welcome!" if it's been a happy hiatus for you.  I'm sure I have lots to say about the past 8 weeks, but it's a jumble and today I want to talk about my hens and how they made it out alive.

Last time I saw you we were starting to get them outside for some scratching and picking, pecking and fresh, thin, Colorado air.  I had moved them to the garage to start their journey in independence.  Their bodies were about the size of a grapefruit.  I left Mister in charge of their general health and well-being for the month, while Tulah hoped and prayed we still had baby chicks when we got back home.

Well we didn't have baby chicks when we got back.
We had CHICKENS!
And they were alive!  Their cage stunk to high heaven and they were squished into their garage shanty wing-to-wing, but they were alive!  Three cheers for Mister Boree and his speedy ascent to celebrity status!

We moved them to our little shack outside, which is super classy and not at all secure.  Yep that's a pallet that seemed to fit perfectly on the open end.  Anyone on Pinterest will tell you that a pallet will dress up any ol' shanty it puts its mind to.

The kids would climb into that little window and spend time with their Wittle Wadies (Knox-speak), picking dandelions for them and hunting through the yard for bugs.
 

The debate started regarding where and how to build the real coop.  Lots of ideas flapped around for a few weeks, until fate stepped in and made our decision for us.

A chicken coop listed on Craigslist for $500 on a Wednesday was dropped down to FREE by Thursday, and we were the lucky winners to pick 'er up in Boulder.  I originally thought we had a budget to work with until I realized that creativity was the only bank I could draw from.  So, FREE???  YES puh-lease!!  I mustered every ounce of faith and positive energy into little mind bullets, and shot them into the universe in hopes that it hadn't either a) been given away from underneath us (which happens all the dang TIME on CL!!) or that it wasn't a rickety, rotten mess when we arrived.

 It wasn't.  It was glorious.  It was heaven in nesting-box form.  It was a happy, clean, hefty, cozy green cottage and it was all OURS!!!  I died a little bit when I saw it in person.  I also died a little when 4 of us somehow hoisted it into our trailer.  We made it home in one piece, but I died even more when only Nick and my (curiously strong) self removed it from the trailer and placed it a few times in the yard.  A chain, a come-along, and a tree were required to remove it from the trailer.  It probably weighs 800 pounds.  You might be thinking, "Wow I bet that's what an 800 pound gorilla weighs!"  And you would be right.

It now sits in permanent position near a little neglected patch of flower garden, which they'll looooove to explore when we let them out.  We keep that rainbow in our sky for decoration.

I mean, did it not turn my weediful backyard into sort of a magical land?

I just love my home, I type with a sigh.

Little nesting boxes in the back:

I look over and Knox is just holding a chicken.  He's way more comfortable picking them up than Roo is!  Here he's holding little Belinda Carlisle and needing a haircut.

One would think that the coop was a good place to stop.  However, I want my girls ranging as freely as possible.  I also want them to range as safely as possible, for there is certain guaranteed wildlife here (raccoons, fox, hawks, the occasional pteranodon, Howdy...) that we must protect them from until we learn the ropes.  Their own private yard was necessary.  Rent me a posthole digger on my birthday and my hens and I will be happy girls!!

Nick picked up the fence posts and rails with a bunch of flagstone loads he's been bringing home, so they were basically free.  We used some of our abundance of pea gravel, sand from the sandbox, water and some dirt to fill and pack the post holes, instead of concrete. Also free.  We nailed about nine welded wire fence panels to the fence after it was built, and that was also sitting around from that trailer load of junk we picked up in Brush a few months ago.  Essentially, this fence cost us the rental fee for the auger and a fun birthday working in our yard together.  We know how to celebrate :)

Yes of course the kids helped... Duh.  We had them make sure our holes were deep enough.

When all the work was done, it was basically awesome.

We planted a couple of fruit trees nearby.  Nick gave them to me for Mother's Day and they are finally getting a home in the ground.  And the green weeds grow all around, all around!








The Wittle Wadies love it.  They have a little burm to inspect, dry dirt for dusting themselves off, yarrow to hide under, and a safe space in which to roam.  Life is good for our little hens!  Their little home and yard really dressed up our yard, which was a major bonus.  My coffee might stink, but my view does not :)

that's right, it's a heiney.